Leading with questions - a book that has made me rethink my relationship with questions and answers.

I find the concept of paradox interesting. PARADOX is made up of two opposite things that seem impossible but are actually true or possible.

 There are many paradoxes in life. The one that sounded most familiar to me was the one by Albert Einstein.

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know

One of those paradoxes that I had not realized until last year is leading with questions.

I am aware of the importance of asking questions. But for whatever reason, the concepts of leading and questions rattle around in my brain.

How can I lead if I ask questions?

Isn't the leader supposed to have the answers?

What kind of leader am I if I ask them back when someone comes to ask me a question?

That seed of trying to solve the paradox of leading with questions took root in my brain. Last quarter I did what I usually do in these cases when I want to learn about a topic. I googled what was the most popular book to learn how to lead/ask questions. And there I found the book that I bought and I bring you today. A summary of Leading wth Questions by Michael J. Marquardt.

I was reading it over Christmas, and it is opening my mind to that paradox, and that it is possible to Lead with questions ... and it is not only that it is possible, but it is also that it is more effective!

Professionals working in the Localization industry interact with many stakeholders, so I think it is imperative to learn how to ask questions, when to ask them, and why to ask them. Learning to ask better questions seems to me a very interesting skill to polish because questions help create a partnership, help to align objectives, help to understand what is interesting for the other person.

A question can unite, and a statement can separate.

Questions to unite is a behavior that fits very well with the role we play Localization leader roles worldwide.

If you want to know more about this topic, I leave my summary here.

Hope you find it useful!

@yolocalizo

Michael J. Marquardt, in his book ‘Leading With Questions highlights how important are questions to build effective realtionships

Summary

Insightful book, and very easy to read. But could have been better written in a more succinct way. Some redundancy among chapters. 

The key message is "ask questions with a learner mindset, you are not the judge". It's not the tactic that will make you a good leader, but your mindset - learn and grow by asking questions and listening attentively, patiently with no intent to respond to others.

Notes I took:

As a coach, what I came to realize is that solving others’ problems is exhausting. It is much more effective to provide the opportunity for them to solve their own problems.

Questions have made me sit back and be a better listener. 

Why do we have difficulty asking questions?
1. Fear – those who have the inability to ask questions have problems with their ego.
2. In a rush – it requires discipline to keep questioning. There’s a great temptation to make statements when you are in a hurry and want to move things quickly. When leaders use questions, we are not just share info but share responsibility.
3. Lack of skills and role model – we are out of practice since we are at the age of 3, we don’t know how to ask questions, how to ask great questions. When we do ask questions, we do not do so skillfully, in a way that elicits a frank but friendly response. Why did that happen – as if we are accusing them of duty, or ask innocent questions about a decision that the boss has made. 
a. Questions can be perceived as “an invitation, a request, or a missile”. 
b. Asking good questions require 2 good skills – what questions to ask and how to ask the right questions effectively

Asking the Right Questions
A key for leaders in asking questions is contextual – what do I want my question to accomplish? What do I want to focus on, do you want to focus on reaction, the reasons why the person did not or cannot succeed, or you want to empower creation?
Questions invoke reactions: Questions invoke creation:
Why are you behind schedule? How do you feel about the schedule so far?
What’s the problem with this project? How would you describe the way you want this project to turn out?
What key things need to happen to achieve the objectives?
What kind of support do you need to assure success?

What are great questions:
• Cause the person to have the right focus and stretch
• Create deep reflection
• Challenge taken-for-granted assumptions that prevent people from acting in new and forceful ways
• Generate courage and strength
• Lead to breakthrough thinking
• Contain the keys that open the door to great solutions
• Enable people to better view the situation
• Open doors in the mind and get people to think more deeply
• Test assumptions and cause individuals to explore why they act in the way that they do as well as why they choose to take actions
• Generate positive and powerful action

Examples:
• What is a viable alternative?
• What are the advantage and disadvantage you see in the suggestion?
• Can you more fully describe your concerns?
• What are your goals?
• How would you describe the current reality?
• What are a few options for improvement?
• What will you commit to do by when?

Often times, the best easiest and most effective way to ask a good question is to simply build on a previous question or on the response to that question. It requires the art and science of careful listening and then generating an open-ended, creative question will quickly and constructively move individuals toward great insights and effective actions.

Open-ended questions (Why, How) should begin with words such as “why” and “how” or phrases such as “what do you think about…” Open-ended questions can help people think analytically and critically. Ultimately, a good open-ended question should stir discussion and debate:
• What do you think about…?
• Could you say more about…?
• What possibilities come to mind? What might happen if you…?
• What do you think you will lose if you give up…?
• What have you tried before?
• What do you want to do next?

One has to ask the why question 3 to 5 times to get to the core why à cause-and-effect thinking

Ask lots of open-ended questions. Open-ended questions that begin with Why or How get people thinking and talking. You may be surprised at how much talk you unleash. You may learn a lot, and even if you just listen, they will walk away happy and feeling heard and respected.

Closed questions (What, When, Where) call for a specific answer, either yes or now, or call for the respondent to select an answer from a limited range of choices. Closed questions often begin with what, when, or how many, or ask the respondent to agree or disagree with a statement. 
• How many people will be affected?
• Did you agree with this decision?
• When should we meet?
• What time is it?
• Do you prefer Plan A or Plan B?

Judger versus Learner – the mindset for asking questions –
Frame Questions – we need to question our questions. It’s very easy when questioning to let our own values, preferences, and biases leak into what we are asking. Old habits die hard. 
Questioning Process:
1. Break the ice and get the conversation going – keep your tone friendly as you move to set the stage for your questions
a. Is this a good time to talk? 
b. How’s your day been?
2. Set the stage for the conversation by explaining what you want to talk about – Establishing the context and background for the conversation. Setting the stage is primarily about you, not the other person. Be forthright in saying that the purpose of the conversation is to learn, understand, not to judge.
a. I hope to get a better understanding of why we are having this problem
b. I want a better feel for how customers are responding to our new products
c. I want to understand how you feel about my plan for the unit
3. Ask what you want to ask – Questioning your own purpose
a. Why do I need this information?
b. What is it that I want to know or find out?
c. What will I do with the answer?
d. How will the answer work to tell or show me what I intend it to do?
4. Listen attentively to the answers and build your questions on top of the answers – you cannot listen and think of the next thing that you are going to ask or say at the same time. 
a. Focus on what’s being said, not the next question to ask. 
b. Good question will often times caused the recipient to step back and reflect. You should be comfortable when there is no immediate response to a question.
c. Think first, speak last. Pause at the end of the question so that the answerer can think, formulate, and deliver an answer.
d. Use steady eye contact and supportive nods. 
e. Listen patiently and listen without interrupting.
f. Restate what you heard in your own words and ask whether your understanding of the argument is consistent with what was said.
5. Follow up